Today marks the first day I'm learning to
be independent again. Many that have experienced falling out of a long term
relationship would understand what I'm talking about. I recently got out of a
four year long relationship and I was surprised when I realised how dependent I
was on him. It’s like I can’t even make my own decisions anymore. I guess when
you have that certain someone that’s always there for you, you take for granted
that he will always be there. That you will always have somebody to rely on for
support. Now that the pillar of support and that guiding hand that had always
been there for the past four years is history, I think it’s time I start to
learn how to walk on my own again.
It is nice to always have somebody there
for you when you need him to be. I truly and honestly wonder (and fear) if I can
ever learn to be independent again.
In the past week alone, I’ve been told about
my flaws (in my face might I add) by two different people. Four days ago, it
was my senior. And today, it was him.
“You, have pointed out my flaws again.
As if I don't already see them.” – Mean, Taylor Swift
They both said the same thing. My temper
and the way I show it when I’m upset and angered. It’s not like I don’t know about
this flaw of mine. I swear I know about it and I swear I’m trying to change. I’m
really trying.
“You’re not trying hard enough.” He said. “Nobody sees effort, they only see results.”
These words couldn’t have been truer.
Tonight, he told me everything he didn’t like about me, everything he had been
enduring in our relationship. Felt like getting stab with a million knives, again and again. The truth is always
harder to swallow. And don’t I know it.
We (well, more like he) decided that we
should cut off all contact until November. Why November? Because that is the
month that we had decided upon that maybe, just maybe, we can give “us” another
try.
Although with great reluctance, I have to
agree that this might be the best for the both of us. So from now till then, I will
be trying even harder, to change this flaw of mine. To become a better person. To be more tolerant of others. To be more accepting of other people's opinion. To curb my anger more. And I hope that by then, I would have become a better person with a bigger heart. Not for him but for myself.
Now, how do I tie my shoelaces again? (okay relax I'm just kidding)
