Honestly, I don't know.
There are days where I feel like I am completely fine and that I can go out with anyone I want and not feel weird or "off". These are, ironically, also the days when I feel guilty for getting over something so significant so fast. I've talked to people, girlfriends, well their replies:
"如果你真的要算，it's been at least half a year already."
"I'm so glad you finally got over it. "
I don't know if I really believe the "it's been at least half a year" thing. But I find myself repeating that to people. Could it be me trying to convince myself that that is why I don't feel much anymore? To lessen the guilt I feel on these "good days"?
Of course, with good days there must be bad days as well. And on bad days,
Some times I still find myself hoping that maybe in the future (perhaps not the near future but somewhere in the future) that we might find our way back to each other again. But I know you don't believe in this. So I try to force myself to not think about it even though I know that it's impossible not to.
I am just so glad you contacted me on a good day, because I don't think I would be able to handle it on a bad day. I know I won't be able to. It's already difficult enough to not show any emotions last night.
Maybe that's why I try to keep myself busy, I pack my schedule to the brim. I took up tuition and might even be working in another restaurant soon. I show concern to others, spend time trying to solve other people's problem, sometimes (many times) even sacrificing sleep for it.
Maybe I'm just running away from it and I'm not actually over anything.
